Day: March 13, 2023

You Made It!

March 13, 2023

Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.

Dearest Self,

How’s that rocking chair working for ya? I’m kidding. You don’t like rocking chairs. You like stillness, the sound of rain, the quietness of snow, and soft autumn winds.

You always knew life was hard and unfair. I think from the moment that little girl cut the chewing gum unfairly, giving you just barely enough when she gave herself and her other friend bigger pieces, you were aware that something was not right. You got the short end of the stick and for some reason, it was like a foreshadow for your future. You were maybe three-years-old, but that feeling remained. It’s strange how we remember these hurtful things that others forget, yet they too remember their own hurtful memories that others forget. Even you forget how you’ve hurt someone, but I’m glad you don’t deny it or pretend you’re too perfect to do anything like that. It’s recognizing our faults that make us human. It’s also not recognizing our faults that make us human.

The hard life and difficulties of life began from memories of your parents. You saw their struggles when you yourself experienced hardship. Only then did you realize what it meant to struggle. Instead of feeling as though these were battles you’d never win, you succeeded. You worked hard. And again, it was because you saw how your parents persevered and succeeded. I know if you were given the opportunity, you’d thank your parents. You’d speak their tongue so perfectly that you could eloquently explain to them how much they’ve done to give you the life you have now. They did their best and you’d tell them that.

It seems you don’t give yourself any credit. You want to thank your parents, your friends, your siblings, your spouse, your children, your teachers, your bosses and co-workers. It is always someone who did something for you to get you where you are. Will you ever give yourself credit? (LOL…no)

Well, I’m proud of you living to 100. Even though your goal was at least 1 billion years, 100 is pretty good, for a human.

XOXO

Life Update and Book Review: These Violent Nights

March 13, 2023

The book review is below this life update. You can skip and go directly to the review because it could be a bit depressing.

I’m currently playing catch up on my book reviews from the last year and before. There was a period in there when I was trying really hard to blog but my father had passed away in 2020 and thinking that I could handle it, I tried to keep going like everything was okay. But everything wasn’t okay. I just blocked all my emotions. I knew it was all going to catch up to me, I just didn’t know when and how.

In August 2020, my dad died unexpectedly from a brain hemorrhage. When he was in the ER with my youngest sister and wanted to see me (and one of my other sister–I have 3 sisters–he wanted to see all his 7 children, but at the time, only three of us were available) really badly, we sort of just told him that we’d see him later because they were running tests and stuff on him, but then it turned out, due to COVID, only one family member could be with him for the day. We also didn’t think much of it. Dad had gone to the ER before and it was always something easily taken care of. While driving back to our mom’s house, we chatted with Dad on video message. He was all hooked up but looked happy. He smiled at us and tried to talk. He was very happy to see us on video.

Later the same day, the doctor said they needed to perform an operation on his brain to relieve it from the hemorrhage but they had to send him to a different hospital where they specialized in the procedure. The next day he arrived at the other hospital and they performed the surgery. Our whole family was there including all our spouses and some cousins.

After the surgery, we were told that Dad was not going to wake up and that they’d keep him hooked up until we said our good-byes.

Three years later and I still miss him. I still dream of him (like this morning) and wake up thinking he’s still here. When he was alive, he’d often call me just to ask me how I’m doing, how my kids are doing, and how my husband’s doing. If I had missed his calls, he’d leave a message. I know it’s weird but I’ve kept all his voice mails. I don’t listen to them very often (just once since his passing).

Anyway, I hope I don’t weird anyone out. There was a moment I thought I should delete the messages, but I just can’t find myself to do it. I think just knowing I have a part of him still near me is comforting. I rarely go to the cemetery to visit his grave site. Having his messages on my phone means more. It reminds me of how he cared about my well-being.

For the last couple of years, I blamed myself. I kept telling myself I should have gone and seen him inside the ER. I should have found a way to switch places with my sister to see him. I was angry at the doctors and I was angry at myself. It was only after hearing on the news that another man had died from the same brain hemorrhage that I forgave the doctors and realized they did all they could. I don’t hold grudges so you can see how much weight that was to hold a grudge on them for at least a year.

I’m going to stop there. I just thought I should let this out because sometimes I think people see me as a robot because I don’t tend to share my feelings or emotions very much. And for the most part, I don’t get emotional really. It sometimes makes situations very uncomfortable.

Title: These Violent Nights
Author: Rebecca Crunden
Genre: Fantasy romance; Dark fantasy
Year Published: March 31, 2021

Date Started: September 27, 2021
Date finished: June 1, 2022

This is a dark fantasy that follows two friends through a dystopian world where an alien race, the Suriias, made their way to earth via a portal and destroyed most of humanity. The remaining humans were either turned into slaves or killed. The human world was completely taken over by this race and in order to survive the humans must remain hidden or else their lives would be completely controlled by the Suriias.

The story is split into three parts. The first part focuses on the two human friends, Thorn and Thistle. The second part tells the story of a human named Nik and Lucien (the Suriias in the first part). There is a love story between the two men. Their relationship grows slowly and eventually and ultimately becomes a full-blown relationship. The third part ties both of these stories together.

This was a great story. I really enjoyed it. The magic in this story was excellent. I liked that they had to hide their magic so most of the story was about the relationships between the characters. The world is very gloomy and creates a dangerous place to be. The backstories are done exceptionally well describing the aliens path to earth and the destruction of earth.  

Who should read this book: If you’re into fantasy mixed with dark future worlds or dystopian, this one is excellent.